Starhyke: Bloodlust
by Mr Hepburn
Summary: After observing the "Buffy: the Vampire Slayer" DVD Collection, Wu Oof is just spoiling for a decent vampire brawl. Now, if only she could find one...


StarHyke: An Old Friend

Since there appears to be no other Starhyke Fanfiction yet, this little crossover story will have to do. Obviously, since this is fanfiction, I'm not claiming to own the rights to any series featured within. Especially not Starhyke, since I still hope to see more of it. The world's first Starhyke fanfiction and also the world's first Starhyke Crossover.

Actually, since writing this, I have learnt that there was a Starhyke story before this one. However, it was written by friends of the people making the show itself. It was based on a draft of the script, before filming even began. So I think that makes it technically not fanfiction. It's almost the opposite, whatever that is.

The Captain sat in the command chair and ate, devouring an ancient Earth delicacy known as 'Milk Chocolate'. She needed to pick up some more as soon as possible. She was down to just one crate.

Sally and Ox walked onto the bridge. Captain Blowhard shoved the last piece in her mouth, and quickly straightened her uniform a little.

"Recon party reporting in, Captain." Sally trilled.

"Ah, yes, our reconnaissance mission. All went well, I presume?"

"Yes, Captain. We found a strange trading post, called 'Block-Buster'. It was distributing these." She held up a data disc. "They called it a 'D-V-D'. Apparently, it produces a two-dimensional audio-visual recording. It's a form of entertainment."

"Ah! Cultural references! Excellent idea, put them on the screen." She waved a hand vaguely in the direction of the data extractor.

Sally slipped a disc on at random and selected the play-all option from a menu. It was from a set of something called 'Buffy: The Vampire Slayer'...

Sally pulled an autoheat pouch of popcorn from her pocket and thumbed the activation tab in the corner. A few moments later, she passed around a full box of hot, buttery popcorn. About ten minutes in, Dottie unlocked the beverage dispensing nozzle and poured a large cup of orange-flavour, carbonated sugar-water and slurped at it loudly, through a straw.

"So," Commander Cropper wondered aloud. "did we exterminate the vampires? Or did they just submit to emotion removal?" Ox raised an inquisitive eyebrow.

"~Vampires~" Dottie's android side intoned. "~Eastern European Folklore, a corpse, animated by an undeparted soul or demon, that periodically leaves the grave and disturbs the living, until it is exhumed and impaled or burned.~"

Cropper snorted. "Oh. 'Folklore'."

The crew, as one, tilted their heads as the petite blonde onscreen span, kicking sideways at a vampire.

Every time a vampire was dusted, Wu Oof growled a little.

After a while, Wu Oof was grinning. It was that _special_ kind of grin she got when she was given something to beat up and it turned out to be tough enough for her to actually work up a sweat. She was practically climbing over the console. Her legs were crouching down, ready to pounce, as though expecting Buffy to actually pop right out of the screen at anytime looking for a sparring partner.

Wu Oof picked herself up of the floor, snarling in frustration. She'd been practising that spinny-kicky-flip that the slayer did so easily. She could get the spin right. She could get the kick right. She could get the flip right. She could even do the spinny-kick or the kicky-flip. But by the time she did the spinny-kicky part, the flippy bit just unbalanced a little too much and she slammed her back into the floor. She was almost starting to get the beginnings of a bruise! Almost.

But she was determined. If she couldn't get a slayer to fight with, she'd just have to start fighting like a slayer. She started again. The Captain walked into the room just in time to have Wu Oof fall at her feet.

"Ah, there you are. I've had Dottie scan the planet surface. We've found no traces of slayers, but I have managed to find a large number of vampires."

Wu Oof flashed her jaws. It was absolutely nothing like a smile, but she was clearly happy nonetheless.

"Captain, closest vampire scan is in a city called 'Toronto' in 'Ontario'. It's in country called Canada." Dottie said fiddling with the computer. "He's on record as 'Detective Nick Knight', a police officer who is known to make unorthodox, but highly effective, arrests. I recommend we send down a team to be 'attacked' by a mugger, Captain."

"Very well, Wu Oof, you may go. Take Dottie with you." Sally activated the controls for the Mollyport. Dottie and Wu Oof stood in the alcoves to be sent down. "Away team ready."

"Good luck with first contact, team." Captain Blowhard said and nodded to Sally to proceed. The away team disappeared from the alcoves...

...and reappeared in the middle of an alleyway at night. Dottie looked around the dim streets of Toronto. It was an unlit alleyway they had landed in, just the sort of place that would likely draw in the bloodsucking immortal creatures of the night looking for a pair of innocent damsels in distress. Wu Oof sneered, looking around the alley. She was ready for a fight, itching for the rush of combat.

"Trust you to find the _one_dark alleyway on Earth that doesn't have a mugger in it!"

Dottie tutted. She strutted out a little way into the light of the main road and spoke a little bit too loud, "Oh, dear, here I am, a helpless young girl walking home from the club and I've just dropped my phone, so I can't call the police. I do hope no one attacks me!" Within moments a man had emerged from the shadows behind her, and a reached a hand out to her waist.


End file.
